Quick Summary
Grandparents facing blocked access to their grandchildren are not alone. This post covers what grandparents' rights mean legally and emotionally, and what steps you can take when the relationship is being denied.
Let’s start at the very beginning. Our rights as US citizens are founded on the Constitution. The average age of the signers of that document was 44 years in 1788. Surprisingly, there is no mention of grandparent’s rights in the Constitution, and there is also no mention of parents’ rights.
In the 1920s, the Supreme Court inferred parental rights under the 14th Amendment, establishing that “parents have a right to direct the upbringing and education of their children.
The divorce rate was virtually non-existent in 1788, and now it tops 50%.
The rise in divorce rates has also brought about significant changes in family dynamics, including the legal recognition of parental rights and the emergence of discussions around grandparent’s rights, especially in cases where divorce or other family issues may affect access to grandchildren.
In the 1980s, Senator John East from North Carolina chaired a subcommittee to address whether there should be federal legislation about grandparents’ rights, among other issues. The hearings concluded by leaving the decision to the states. As a result, awareness of grandparents’ rights increased in the states. Since then, each state has addressed grandparents’ rights to varying degrees.
For example, Washington state’s Supreme Court ruled their grandparent visitation statute unconstitutional, making it difficult for grandparents to exercise visitation rights, while New York has enacted strong grandparent visitation rights.
The primary consideration is supposed to be “the best interest of the child.” I say “supposed to be” because, in some states, the laws seem to defy that principle.
I have written in my books that “sometimes logic and law are strange bedfellows.”
When grandparents seek rights to be involved in their grandchildren’s lives, it is important to consider the state in which the grandchild resides, as it determines the rules for gaining grandparental rights. It’s crucial to have standing in the court to file a petition, and to convince the court of the significance of your relationship with your grandchild. Your history with the grandchild, as well as documentation such as videos, pictures, and letters, can hold weight in the court’s decision.
Add a lLitigation is, while not impossible, the most daunting, expensive and least rewarding of the paths to spending time with your Grandchildren. If it is your only recourse, that is one thing. I will offer that those of us in the Grandparenting space are finding unconventional paths and experts that specialize in Reconciliation of seemingly hopeless cases of family dysfunction. We are finding that even though this is also difficult to do, it is much more productive and lasting than litigation.
There is one organization, Grandparents Academy,grandparentsacademy.com, that presents a Reconciliation Summit each spring. This is a gathering of the top experts in the field of Grandparents reconciling with their families.
Please know that you are not in this alone. There are, unfortunately, a lot of Grandparents facing these same challenges. There is an army of Grandparents like me that understand. We are walking alongside you and are here to do what we can to help you through this time. I proffer that “Life is complicated. Family life is a multiple of complicated and extended family life is exponentially complicated.” I think this is especially important to keep this in mind if you are going through being restricted or alienated from your Grandchildren. Give yourself some Grace, gain your courage and find the appropriate resources to do all that you can do to reconnect with your Grandkids. They deserve it, You deserve it.
I conclude with some sound advice from Winston Churchill. These are two of his famous quotes combined to make this sage advice.
If you're going through hell, keep going and “Never, never, never give up.”
Your Grandchildren are worth it, You are worth it.
