Every grandparent has a signature way of bonding with their grandkids; a handshake, a nickname, a song, a game, a silly phrase that becomes theirs forever. But some rituals go beyond fun and become something deeper: a moment that anchors the relationship, a cue that says “You matter to me,” in a way children never forget. For me, that moment became the Upside-Down Hug, a ritual that started as play and somehow grew into a tradition that has followed my grandchildren into their adult lives.
The Grandparent Ritual That Lasts a Lifetime
When my grandkids were toddlers, I wanted a way to turn connection into something joyful and memorable. Kids are wonderfully unique, yet they share one universal need: to feel seen, special, and loved in a way that is unmistakably theirs. I watched other grandparents create handshakes, play-fights, and secret codes with their grandkids, and I loved the idea of creating something equally unique – something playful enough to make them giggle but meaningful enough to leave an imprint on their hearts. Over time, the Upside-Down Hug became that signature. It didn’t stay within my family, either. Kids from church, friends, and even children I met at the gymnastics company where I worked began asking for “their turn.” A silly gesture became a universal moment of connection.
The ritual itself is simple, but the impact is surprisingly profound. Once a child is about two or three years old, I begin by whispering, “Do you want a special kind of hug?” Unsurprisingly, nearly every child says yes. I gently guide their arm, draw them close, turn them around, and lift them from the waist – slowly tilting them upside-down. The giggles start instantly. While they’re upside-down, laughing and kicking the air, I ask, “Do you know what Grandpa Neil loves about you?” They always ask, “What?” And that’s when I shake them playfully – trying to “shake their lunch out”- and shout the message: “EVERYTHING!”
It’s silly. It’s ridiculous. And it never fails to land straight in their memory.
You might wonder whether something this playful can really carry meaning. I have decades of evidence to prove it does. My first grandson – now 37 – still jokes every time he sees me, “Can I get an Upside-Down Hug?” My granddaughter, now grown, recently told her husband and mother-in-law all about the ritual during lunch, describing how she used to hang upside-down with her long hair dangling toward the floor as she laughed. She remembered every detail. These moments aren’t just fun; they become emotional bookmarks in a child’s life – reminders of security, belonging, and unconditional love. They are the kinds of memories that weave themselves into adulthood, becoming part of the stories they pass on.
The truth is, every grandparent can create a ritual like this; something simple yet unforgettable. You don’t need to lift anyone upside-down to make a lasting impact. What children remember most is consistency, joy, and the feeling that someone delighted in them. Your connection can be quiet or loud, silly or sentimental – what matters is that it’s yours and theirs alone.
A silly handshake or “secret knock”
A nickname only you use
A shared saying or affirmation
A short story you always tell before bedtime
A small object you exchange at visits (a shell, marble, or token)
A tradition like baking cookies, taking walks, or singing one special song
The rituals don’t have to be grand. They only have to be intentional. When you create a moment that a child can anticipate, relive, and cherish, you create more than a memory – you create identity, connection, and emotional glue that lasts decades. The payoff is enormous, for both grandchild and grandparent.
So if you don’t already have your own version of the Upside-Down Hug, I encourage you to start one today. It might feel small now, but years from today, you may hear your adult grandchildren tell stories that begin with, “When I was little, my grandparent always…” – and that is how legacy is built.
Thanks for being a Caring Grandparent.
