I didn’t expect a podcast interview to change the direction of my life’s work.
But that’s exactly what happened when I sat down with The Rebel Rootz Show and said something I had believed for years – something I had lived – but had never quite said out loud in those exact words.
The host asked me what I thought was the biggest mistake grandparents make.
I didn’t hesitate.
“The biggest mistake grandparents make,” I said, “is forgetting to take care of their grandchildren’s mother.”
Then I said this:
“The daughter or daughter-in-law is the queen on the throne. She decides whether you get access to your grandchildren. Respect her, value her, and never take sides in a conflict.”
I had no idea what was about to happen next.
A segment of that interview was posted on TikTok. Within days, it had reached 1.9 million views – 220,700 likes and 2,044 comments from grandparents, mothers, daughters-in-law, and adult children all over the world. On Instagram, another 64,000 people liked it and 925 left comments.
I read them. All of them.
The comments stopped me cold. Not because of the volume, but because of the emotion behind them.
Grandmothers writing: “I wish someone had told me this 20 years ago.”
Daughters-in-law writing: “Please send this to my mother-in-law.”
Adult children writing: “This is exactly what destroyed our family.”
And grandparents – heartbroken grandparents – writing: “I lost access to my grandchildren and I never understood why until right now.”
That response told me something important: this wasn’t a niche insight for a small audience. This was a wound that millions of families were carrying quietly. And nobody was talking about it directly enough.
Here’s what I’ve learned after 80+ years of family life, 4 books, and nearly 500 published articles on grandparenting:
Most grandparents don’t lose access to their grandchildren because they did something dramatically wrong. They lose access because of a thousand small moments where they forgot who was sitting on the throne.
They offered advice without being asked. They quietly undermined a parenting decision. They took their child’s side in a conflict with their partner. They showed up with love for the grandchildren but not enough love – or respect – for the person raising them.
The mother of your grandchildren is not an obstacle between you and your grandchildren. She is the bridge.
And if you don’t tend that bridge, it will close.
After the response came pouring in, I went back to my desk and started writing. Not just an article – a book.
Because what I realized is that the relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren’s parents is the most underexplored, most consequential relationship in the entire grandparenting conversation. Every book, every article, every workshop focuses on the grandparent-grandchild bond. Almost nothing focuses on the relationship that makes that bond possible.
The Bridge To Your Grandchildren: What Their Parents Want You To Know is built on a simple but uncomfortable truth: the path to your grandchildren runs directly through their parents. Not around them. Not despite them. Through them.
The queen on the throne isn’t a metaphor. She’s a reality. And grandparents who understand that – who genuinely honor it – are the ones who never lose access. They’re the ones who get called first. They’re the ones whose grandchildren grow up knowing them, loving them, and carrying their wisdom forward.
The Conversation Isn’t Over
That moment on The Rebel Rootz Show was a spark. The two posts it inspired – The Mother of Your Grandchildren and Wearing Out the Tread – were my first attempt to go deeper on the idea.
The book is where I’m going all the way.
If you’ve ever felt the distance growing between you and your grandchildren and couldn’t quite name why – or if you’re a mother reading this who wishes her children’s grandparents understood what you actually need from them – this book is for you.
More details coming soon. In the meantime, I’d love to hear your story.
