t started with a last-minute invitation and ended with 1.9 million people watching a clip of me on TikTok. I am 81 years old, a great-great grandpa, and I did not see any of this coming.
I was at our weekly Toastmasters meeting when a fellow member, Evonne, asked if I would fill in as a guest on her podcast. Her scheduled guest had cancelled. I said yes without hesitation.
Evonne and her husband Don are successful entrepreneurs in their late 40s, operating Clean Eatz, a healthy food franchise with roughly 120 locations across the country. Don has his own podcast, and Evonne hosts “Rebel Rootz,” a show spotlighting up-and-coming young businesswomen from our area. Topics include dating, empowerment, and the frustrations of being filmed while working out at the gym.
To call me a fish out of water would be an understatement.
What settled my nerves was learning that Evonne was about to become a first-time grandmother. That shared territory made the conversation feel natural. She is also a skilled interviewer, and about halfway through our 30-plus-minute discussion, she asked me something I will never forget.
Evonne: “What do you think the biggest mistake grandparents make in connecting with their grandchildren?”
Me: “Not taking real good care of their mother.”
Evonne: “Really?”
Me: “The daughter-in-law or daughter is the queen on the throne. She controls whether or not you will see your grandchildren, through thick and thin, through marriage and divorce, through anything. People tend to side with their son in a divorce, and the daughter-in-law goes off and decides they’re out of the picture. Or they remarry, and if you don’t have a strong relationship with the mother of your grandchildren, you are out of luck. Every court in the country will back that. The mother of those children is the most important one of all of them.”
Evonne posted that excerpt on TikTok. It received 1.9 million views and more than 2,000 comments. The vast majority came from mothers of grandchildren who clearly felt seen by those words.
This moment is instructive. I am not asking you to like what I said. But it would be malpractice as a grandparent to ignore what 1.9 million people responded to so strongly.
The lesson is straightforward: focus on what you can actually control. Searching for fairness or clinging to wishful thinking are not strategies. They are distractions from the only thing that truly matters.
Keep your eye on the prize: your grandchildren.
Think Serenity Prayer.
Want to go deeper on building the relationships that keep you connected to your grandchildren? Explore Neil’s books or connect with Neil directly.
