I came across a quote years ago that I haven’t been able to shake. Frederick Douglass said, “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” I’ve repeated it in conversations, in my books, and to myself on mornings when I wonder whether any of this grandparenting work actually matters. It does. I believe that with everything I have.
Here’s what I know from my own experience and from the grandparents I’ve connected with over the years: we underestimate ourselves. We think we’re “just grandpa” or “just grandma.” But the research tells a different story. Studies cited by nih.gov show that grandparent involvement is one of the strongest predictors of a grandchild’s emotional resilience and long-term wellbeing. We are not peripheral. We are central.
Curiosity over advice. Ask more than you tell. “What are you excited about right now?” lands differently than “Here’s what you should do.”
Presence over presents. I’ve watched grandkids treasure a fishing afternoon more than any birthday gift. Time is the currency that matters.
Affirmation that’s specific. Not just “I’m proud of you” but “I saw how hard you worked on that, and it showed.” Specificity makes it real.
Your story, honestly told. Share your failures, not just your wins. Grandkids need to know that struggle is part of every good life, including yours.
Consistency over intensity. A weekly call matters more than a once-a-year grand gesture. Show up regularly, even in small ways.
I’ll be honest with you: I didn’t always get this right. There were years when I was too busy, too distracted, too focused on the wrong things. But I’ve learned that it’s never too late to lean in. The relationship between a grandparent and grandchild is remarkably forgiving when it’s rooted in genuine love.
What I try to do now is look for what I call the “plus moments,” small opportunities to add something to a grandchild’s day that wouldn’t have been there otherwise. A text that says “I was thinking about you today.” Showing up at a school event they didn’t think I’d come to. Sitting with them in silence and letting them know the silence is comfortable. These things accumulate. They become the texture of a relationship that a child carries into adulthood.
We are not just grandparents. We are legacy-builders. Every intentional act of love is an investment in a human being who will one day be someone’s parent, someone’s colleague, someone’s friend. As Psychology Today has noted, children who feel deeply known by at least one adult show dramatically better outcomes across nearly every measure of health and happiness. Be that adult for your grandchild.
Thank you for being here and for caring enough to keep growing. – Neil
