I have heard from thousands of grandparents over the years, and the story usually starts the same way. Something happened with their child. A crisis, a struggle, an absence. And suddenly they found themselves signing school forms, buying car seats, and figuring out how to be a parent again at 60 or 65 or 70.
If that is your story, I want you to know something before we go any further: what you are doing is extraordinary. And it is also extraordinarily hard.
If that is your story, I want you to know something before we go any further: what you are doing is extraordinary. And it is also extraordinarily hard.
Today, nearly 2 million grandparents are responsible for raising their grandchildren in the United States, according to U.S. Census Bureau data. The average age of those grandparents has risen from 58 in 1990 to 65 in 2021. More of us are older. More of us are doing it longer. And most of us walked into it without a manual.
This is my attempt to offer one.
I know you have heard this before. I also know most grandparent caregivers hear it and then immediately put everyone else first anyway.
Here is what changed my perspective: this is not about you. It is about them.
When you run yourself into the ground, the child in your care pays the price. The research is clear: 60% of grandparents raising grandchildren report fair or poor health. Half experience sleep deprivation. Grandparent caregivers are 40% more likely to experience chronic stress. These are not statistics about weakness. They are statistics about a system that asks too much of people who are already giving everything.
Protect your health. Keep your appointments. Sleep when you can. Build a support network around you, not just around the children. I have written more about this on my site: Taking Care of Yourself So You Can Be There for Them.
This is the conversation nobody wants to have, and it is the one that matters most.
Many grandparents are raising grandchildren without any formal legal arrangement. That means no legal right to enroll them in school, no authority to consent to medical care, and no plan in place if something happens to you.
The options available to you include:
Power of Attorney: A parent can grant you temporary legal authority for specific decisions. It does not require going to court.
Kinship Foster Care: If the state removed your grandchild from their parent’s home, you may qualify for foster care payments while maintaining family connection.
Legal Guardianship: Gives you broad decision-making authority through a court order.
Legal Custody: Stronger protections, but typically requires demonstrating parental unfitness.
Adoption: The most permanent option; terminates biological parent rights.
Each path has tradeoffs that depend on your specific family circumstances. I encourage you to speak with a family law attorney, or contact your local legal aid office if cost is a concern. You can also explore the grandparents rights overview on my site for a starting point.
Grandparents collectively contribute over $172 billion annually in direct financial support to grandchildren, according to AARP’s 2026 research. And yet many grandparent caregivers are not accessing the programs designed specifically to help them.
The last time most of us raised children, smartphones did not exist. Social-emotional learning was not a phrase anyone used. Neurodiversity was not widely understood or discussed.
I am not saying the old ways were wrong. I am saying the world your grandchildren are growing up in is different, and they need you to meet them in it.
Talk to their teachers. Talk to their pediatrician. Be curious. The grandparents who thrive in this role are not the ones who have all the answers. They are the ones who keep asking questions.
Here is a quick reference for what is available:
Program | What It Covers |
|---|---|
TANF (child-only grant) | Cash assistance based on grandchild’s income, not yours |
Medicaid / CHIP | Free or low-cost health coverage for grandchildren |
Social Security (SSI/survivor) | Monthly benefits for eligible grandchildren |
Child Tax Credit | Up to $2,000 per qualifying dependent |
Earned Income Tax Credit | For grandparents with moderate to low incomes |
Benefits.gov | Federal screening tool to find all programs you qualify for |
Do not leave this on the table. Your financial stability directly affects the stability of the children in your care.
Here is what the data actually says about grandchildren raised by grandparents: they have 20% higher life satisfaction than children in foster care. Not because grandparents are perfect parents. Because they are family.
Your presence matters more than your performance.
Read with them. Eat with them. Tell them who they come from and where they belong. And as they grow, teach them to stand on their own. That is the legacy that lasts.
“The grandparents who thrive in this role are not the ones who have all the answers. They are the ones who keep asking questions.” — Neil Taft
