There’s a moment every grandparent knows. You’re on a call with your grandchild and the conversation stalls. You ask how school is going. They say fine. You ask about their friends. They shrug. And before long, you’re both just waiting for the call to end.
It doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It means you haven’t found the right door yet.
The Treasure Trove is how you find it.
It’s a simple loose-leaf notebook, one section per grandchild, filled with the details that make a real conversation possible. Not a journal. Not a scrapbook. A living reference that grows as they grow.
I’ve recommended it to grandparents across the country, and the feedback is always the same: once you start it, you wonder how you managed without it.
Start simple. The basics matter more than you think:
Full name and nicknames (these change more than you’d expect)
Birthday and birth year (so you always know their actual age)
School name, grade, and teacher
Current best friend (write this in pencil — it changes often)
Favorite color, shows, books, games, superheroes (for younger kids)
Favorite music, athletes, or interests (as they get older)
Something unique about them — an award, a characteristic, a moment that made you proud
That last one is worth pausing on. When I fill in that section for each of my grandchildren, I often have to stop and add the same entry to my gratitude journal. That’s the kind of reflection this tool creates.
Most grandparents rely on memory. Memory is unreliable, especially across time zones, busy schedules, and the blur of holidays and birthdays. The Treasure Trove removes the guesswork.
Here’s what changes when you use it: You stop asking generic questions and start asking real ones. “How’s your friend Mia doing?” lands completely differently than “How are your friends?”
That specificity signals something powerful to a grandchild: you see me. And being seen is the foundation of every close relationship.
This matters most during the preteen years, when one-word answers are the norm and connection feels hardest to maintain. The grandparents who stay close during that phase are almost always the ones who kept paying attention to the details.
If paper isn’t your style, there’s a newer option worth exploring. Roland Thompson, a member of my Long-Distance Grandparent Society, has built an app called GrandTracker, available on iOS and Android, that does the same job digitally. Roland is also the author of Grand Connect. It’s Apple Store approved, which means the necessary safeguards are in place.
Whether you go analog or digital, the principle is the same: keep the details, show up prepared, and let your grandchildren feel known.
Before you read another chapter, open a notebook or a new note on your phone and write down one grandchild’s name at the top. Then answer just three questions:
What is their current best friend’s name?
What are they really into right now?
What is one thing that makes them uniquely them?
That’s your Treasure Trove started. Add to it as you learn more. Bring it to every call, every visit, every holiday.
Small steps, repeated, create a bridge you can both cross.
Neil Taft is the author of The Bridge to Your Grandchildren and a national speaker on grandparenting, family building, and intergenerational connection. Learn more at neiltaft.com.
